Five Reasons I love Sports

There are so many more reasons than these five, but they are the first to pop into my mind this morning:

1. Elijah Dukes - The St. Petersburg Times writes about Dukes calling into a radio station yesterday to, aheam, take umbrage with his critics - "Dukes blasted estranged wife NiShea Gilbert for 'stealing' his money and said if he hadn't left her 'he'd be in prison because she provoked me.'" Classy...but wait...it gets better. "Dukes, who is the father of at least five children by four women, acknowledged sexual relations with a then-17-year-old foster child but denied he is the father of her unborn child." Congratulations Elijah - you didn't impregnate a 17 year foster kid...but what about the five children by age 22? I think he and Santonio Holmes are having a contest to see who can catch Shawn Kemp and Evander Holyfield the fastest. I know the kid had a tough childhood, but c'mon! I hope the Red Sox trade for him just for comedic purposes.

2. West Virgina and the Cincinati Bengals - Quincy Wilson's arrest on Sunday was a double wammy of good times for the ISB. The former West Virginia star continued the trend of former WVU players (Chris Henry, Pac Man Jones to name two, with more to come with drunky Huggins the new basketball coach) viewing the law more as guidelines. Plus, it pushed the Cincinnati Bengals yearly arrest total to 10, which made the winner in my "Double Digit Bengal Jailbird Pool." And yes, I was the only person in it.

3. Yankee fans - This should be number 1, but I wanted to show my diverse side of sports opinions. The Yankees have a $200 million payroll and their fans are boasting about being 2 games over .500 at the end of June. Look, I have adamantly DEFENDED(!) the Yankees as not dead in the postseason race, but how the fucking mighty have fallen. Wasn't it only 6 years that anything less than a championship was a poor season? And now your excited because your 4.5 games ahead of the Devil's Rays at the end of June? Give me a friggin' break. Yeah Gay-Rod would win the AL MVP award if the season ended today, Abreau stopped hitting like Bill Bergen, and Clemens return from his second steroid suspension, er.. extended offseason has everyone giddy. But gain some perspective - you are still 5 games out of even a playoff spot. So shut the fuck up for the time being.

4. Kobe Bryant - Is there anything more this guy could do to kill an amazing career. If this guy avoided the disastrous spotlight he has brought upon himself, he would be in the "G.O.A.T" discussion. But look at what he decided to do in the last few years: (1) put himself in a pretty, um, publicly uncompromising position with that whole Colorado thing; (2) help nudge, if not outright push, Shaq out of town; (3) hasn't led his team out of the first round with a mediocre cast (side note: amazing how people blast KG for this, but Kobe has never done it without Shaq....just saying); (4) demanded a trade, then reneged, and then demanded it again, along with a video people want to see more than the Dustin Diamond video. I can't wait for the sex tape of him and Oprah to surface.

5. J.D. Drew. Or as he is now known to my dad and myself - Just Dreadful Drew or, depending on the mood, Just Deplorable Drew. Wow...amazing how all those BoSox fans were right when they wanted to storm the front office before this signing. Enough has been written about how awful he has played (myself included), but what I find interesting is that on June 16, a day after he had 3 hits and scored 3 times in a 10-2 Red Sox win, the fans treated him as if all was well in their relationship. Amazing how one single game can change the fans from wanting his head (which literally almost happened at the Colorado Rockies game on June 14...well, maybe not, but I swear I was going to be the one to take it if I wasn't sitting all the way in the grandstand), to supporting the hell out of this guy. Of course, he proceeded to go 3-17 in his next 4 games and now everyone hates him again.

I love sports.