The Dice Man

I'm absolutely giddy at the giant Bukkake (search for it on Wiki if you don't know) that will take place in the Japanese media over Ichiro leading off against Dice-K in today's Mariners-Red Sox game. I would expect the jockeying for camera position for tonight's game to closely resemble something from Most Extreme Challenge. I will laugh...then go back to hating the over-coverage of this Dice-K guy and his gyro balls.

The best possible thing that could happen for just about everyone outside of New England (apparently this includes Bristol, CT) is for 1) Dice-K to be slightly above mediocre; or 2) his arm to come flying off like Tony Saunders'. I imagine the former will probably be more likely. In fact, by virtue of the team that he plays for and that he'll be facing the American League for the first time the beginning of the year, I'd almost guarantee that he has some modicum of success from now until the middle of the summer. If he didn't it should probably be more of a story...and frightening for Red Sox fans.

In any event, I'm praying for this guy to be a run of the mill, slightly above average starter so we can stop being inundated with the "Dice-K = Japenese Cy Young" coverage that has graced my favorite TV network since the Sox payed $4 trillion just to talk to him. Any worse and we get the "What's wrong with Dice-K?" daily stories (even though he only starts every fifth day). As much as I enjoy Baseball Tonight...I don't need to see Dan Shaunnessey's man perm more than once a month. Actually, that is a lie: Shaunnessey's merm is the screen saver on my work computer.

Hopefully he's mediocre and we can return ESPN's focus to more pressing issues: Barry Bonds morning stretching regiment.