A Modest Proposal to Michael Vick

Aside from the obvious legal issues that I won't pontificate about (ie. the ease of obtaining an indictment in front of a federal grand jury), the entire indictment of Michael Vick aka "Ookie" can be found here: http://alt.cimedia.com/ajc/pdf/vick0717.pdf

What immediately jumped out at me is the quite vague allegations of Vick's involvement contained in the indictment. But, whatever...below is my suggestion to Mr. Vick as a means to give back to the community by way of public service announcement. Since I'm typing this at work I haven't had much time to really think about how this should play out, so I'm open to suggestions:

It essentially involves his participation in a Valtrex commercial. However, and very important considering his present predicament, the public must also be warned of the dangers and illegality of dog fighting.

"Hi, I'm Ron Mexico and I have genital herpes. I'd also like to warn you about the dangers and illegality of dog fighting."

Very similar to the picturesque scenes in your typical "I'm living with genital herpes" commercial, however instead of a couple kayaking or riding bikes in the foothills of Appalachia the commercial takes place in some backwoods shack with two dogs trying to rip each other's heads off.

I imagine a much deeper conversation regarding the relative effectiveness of Valtrex could tie into shots of the "rape stand" used for breeding fighting dogs. Obviously we'd keep it classy.

"Remember kids...genital herpes burns and dog fighting is illegal."

As a second way to deal with the situation (and his prior issues with giving unsuspecting chics herpes), would it not be prudent to feed his dick to a pit bull? Obviously we'd need to film it and the proceeds could go to the Virginia Humane Society. It would be like the scene with the snake in Jackass II, but funnier because the dog would actually gnaw his junk straight off. Call me sick/gay/both, but I'd drop $50 for that.